oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
