her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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