Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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