the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
tell me about the eggs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
