i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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