did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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