Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize