i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
