Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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