dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
