Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
tell me about the fingering
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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