I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
