Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
