You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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