I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
