i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
