dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
