So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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