Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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