he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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