i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Jerry, you need to find god
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
