pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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