someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
