if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
