suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
