I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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