People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
