I think i sorta joined a cult last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
