I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize