He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize