totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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