When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize