half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
