I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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