Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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