I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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