ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
