Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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