I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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