I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
