i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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