Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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