He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
