The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
