I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Houston, we have a squirter
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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