I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
