You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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