I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize