Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
