I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
