We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
two words...techno handjob
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
