i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
