WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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