the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
