she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
