you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
