Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
